The Annoyance Chronicles
by Ainnenoi Aurum
Summary: So, we all know what Light had to get used to when he was chained to L. But what about what L had to get used to? An exercise in pointlessness attempting to explain a few inconsistenices in fanon and canon. Cliches may be overturned! You have been warned!
1. Annoyances: Sleep

A/N: Really, this particular annoyance was spawned when one of my friends tried to wake me up after only three hours of sleep. I may be borderline insomniac, but that's not enough sleep for me. Later, I learned that I can be quite creative when it comes to threats while I'm half-asleep. My friend was quite traumatized. But that instance spawned this after a long and convoluted thought process that I _think_ might have involved strawberries and sugar for breakfast. Yeah, there is no connection between some of my thoughts, but somehow I arrive in relatively the place I want to.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, not even if I fall through a hole in time-space and try to recreate it in the past. I can't draw that well!

* * *

1: Sleeping Habits.

Light was an odd person when it came to sleep. No alarm in the world could wake him up before he wanted to wake up. He also slept for exactly as long as he wanted to, no matter what exactly was going on around him. If something attempted to wake him up before that, it was usually met with threats of grave bodily harm spoken in his sleep that were sometimes carried out if anyone other than his little sister, Sayu, tried to wake him up. Sayu was the only one who was able to wake him up early. And that was only because he wanted to wake up when she woke him up.

L was an insomniac, to the point that he looked like a drug user. He also could not stand being in a bedroom for more than three hours. Beds scared him due to past trauma.

What happened to them when they were chained together and Light fell asleep? Let's take a look, shall we?

"Light-kun," L nudged Light with his foot. "Light-kun. It is four in the morning and time to start working on the case."

Light shifted on the bed and mumbled something in his sleep. L sighed in annoyance. Why was the younger man refusing to wake up and comply with L's demands.

"Light-kun," L tried shaking Light's shoulder. "It is time to wake up."

Again, Light ignored him.

Frustrated and impatient to get out of the room and get working, L decided it was time to move onto drastic measures. L had an idea that Light would not be pleasant if woken up in such a violent manner. As such, there was a 83.33% chance that Light would be angry at L, but it was time to start working.

L jerked on the chain, and pulled Light out of the bed and onto the floor. Light did not wake up. However, he did begin to speak in his sleep. L leaned forward to listen, hoping to gain some insight into what to do to wake Light up.

"...goddamn stupid bastard trying to wake me up, I swear to Kami if you don't stop it and leave me alone I'm going to flambe your balls while they're still attached, before castrating you and fucking _feeding_ you your balls on the stick I'm gonna dig outta your ass. Then I'm going to take a dachshund and shove it up where the stick used to be..."

L jerked back at this point and carefully walked backwards, dark gray eyes slightly wider than usual. Light was apparently quite the violent person when one attempted to wake him up in the morning.

L decided it just might be in the best interest of his health to just leave Light alone. After all, Kira would have no problem with implementing any threats he made, and Light was most likely Kira.

Three hours later, it was a cheerful Light who woke up from his refreshing and peaceful sleep. He sat up on the floor, wondering why exactly he wasn't under the multitude of blankets he always burrowed into in his sleep and why he couldn't hear the music Sayu always put on for him so he would wake up. Wait a minute! He forgot! He had been chained to L yesterday, and was consequently sleeping in the headquarters! Oh _hell_. Light knew that he could get both violent and imaginative when someone other than Sayu, who knew to put on his music to wake him up, attempted to wake him up.

Light looked around frantically for L, who would surely have attempted to wake him up, as that was the only explanation for Light to be on the floor. Light found him, huddled in a corner, staring at Light with a vaguely disturbed look on his face.

"Sorry Ryuuzaki," Light sighed. "I forgot to tell you that I do not wake up before I want to for anyone other than Sayu."

L nodded. "I could see that. And, may I mention that Light-kun has quite a vivid imagination? He managed to horrify me with his threats to my lower body, and I have been a detective for over a decade. That is something I had previously assumed was impossible at this point in my career."

Light chuckled. "I'm sorry?" he asked, not really sure what to say. He didn't even remember what he had said that had so disturbed the detective.

"I was attempting to wake Light-kun up so that we could work on the case," L said, "Perhaps, instead of exchanging formalities, we might do that?"

Light nodded. "Okay, but...do you suppose I could get dressed and take a shower first?" And with that, Light got up, grabbed a suit for the day, and went to the bathroom to get ready for his first day of being chained to L. Said detective watched him go with mildly fear-filled eyes. Perhaps it would be best to leave Light alone in the mornings.

And that was how Light ended up getting enough sleep every night while chained to the insomniac detective.

* * *

Yes, I am aware that this was absolutely stupid and OOC. But really, when is a person ever quite the same when they're half-asleep as when they're fully awake?

And I don't know why L has past trauma that includes beds. Or even what it was. Feel free to come to your own conclusions about that.

Really this was just an exercise in utter pointlessness and transferring my real life onto random characters.

Ja ne!


	2. Annoyances: Sugar

This came of realizing that nowhere in the anime does Light state that he does not like sugar. We're just never shown him eating any. So, I decided to turn the fanon cliche on its head. Light likes sugar, but it affects him _very_ badly. Light's reaction is based off of my friend Kina, who got sugar high one day before school and managed to get lost. in the school we'd been in for three years. The one that does not have winding hallways. I still don't get how she did that. But yeah, I took her reaction to sugar and...sorta expanded on it.

Disclaimer: :rolls eyes: Didn't I do this last chapter? Why should I do it in this chapter? They all know that I don't own Death Note anyway, what's the frapping point? :waving arms wildly all over the place before realizing that the men in white coats are after me: (again) Crap! Read the story while I...deal with these people. I'll be back.

* * *

2: Sugar

Contrary to popular opinions, Light Yagami did, in fact, like sugar. He liked it a lot. Unfortunately, sugar affected him rather badly. The last time he got sugar, the end result was a trashed room with foot- and hoof- prints on the ceiling. Yeah, no one else knew either. In the Yagami household, sugar, not liquor, was kept under lock and key, thanks entirely to Light.

L was a sugar-holic who could not function without sugar in his bloodstream. As such, sugar was always to be found in abundance around him, and easily stolen.

The situation was rather like a baking soda and vinegar volcano, explosive! Let's take a look, shall we?

The investigative team gaped as they set foot on the main work floor. It was utterly destroyed.

The first thing that caught the eye was the rather humorous, vulgar and sloppy spray-painted diagram of two figures entwined that covered the entirety of the south wall. It was completely blood-red. It was humorous only until one noticed the captions, at which point it became mind-scarring. The mind-scarring fact was that the two figures were labeled. One was 'Watari' and the other was 'Misa'. As Matsuda's mind began to decipher what was meant by that, he turned green and ran for the bathroom. Retching could be heard shortly after.

The next thing to be seen was the actual Watari, who was in an ugly clown suit, hanging from the ceiling, gagged and dyed eye-watering neon blue.

Distant whooping yells were heard from around a corner. Windows were smashed, the computers were all experiencing the 'Blue Screen of Death' never mind that they were Macs. The floor was littered with empty cans of soda, empty potato chip bags and smashed cake. The chairs were arranged in a rather artful statue of a jail cell, with L shivering in the middle, eyes nearly inhumanly wide.

"Help," L whispered, "Light-kun went crazy."

This plea started all of the team out of their stupor. Aizawa was the first to speak.

"Light...Light did this? The same Light who is always neat and composed and almost OCD about cleanliness?" Aizawa asked, confused.

Soichiro was next. He was absolutely shocked, but not for the reasons everyone would have expected.

"Oh my Kami. I forgot didn't I? I didn't tell you about Light's rather...extreme reaction to any and all sugar, did I?"

L turned traumatized eyes on Soichiro. "No, Yagami-san, I do not believe you did."

Soichiro sighed. "The sad thing is, this is actually on the mild side for when Light gets sugar. The last time...well, we're still picking Silly String out of the garage, and the ceiling still has some footprints on it. And it was six months ago. Let's just leave it at that."

Matsuda, (who had returned from the bathroom and no longer looked ill) Aizawa and Mogi turned gaping mouths from the room at large to Soichiro. Not that bad? It looked pretty bad to them.

Light interrupted the minor moment of silence (-ish, Watari was still struggling and moaning from his vantage point on the ceiling) by running into the room, screaming his head off with a crazed look in his eyes. He was wielding the bottom half of a rolling chair (without the top half) in one hand, brandishing it like a western pirate captain's cutlass, screaming 'CHARGE!!!!!!' He had a makeshift pirate eyepatch on one eye (it appeared to be made of paper) and his hair was sticking out every which way, dyed the same neon blue as Watari. His clothes had all been turned inside out and splattered with red and blue splotches of color.

"ATTACK, MY PRETTIES!!" Light screamed, much to the confusion of everyone else, "ATTACK, MY PRECIOUS FLYING MONKEYS!! GET THE INTRUDERS AND PUT THEM IN JAIL WITH THE BLASPHEMER!"

At this point, Mogi, who was the most accustomed to crazies, having taken care of six siblings while his dad drank himself into a stupor and his mom got high, knocked Light out with a quick chop to the pressure point in his neck.

It was unanimously agreed that that day would never be mentioned again, though the red paint of the figures on the wall never quite came out again. Every so often, Matsuda would glance up at it, shudder, and run to the bathroom.

That is the reason why Watari always watched Light to make sure that he didn't sneak a piece of L's cake.

* * *

Okay, I'm back and ready to answer the questions I anticipate being asked.

I don't know why Mogi's family is so freaked up. It just is. I have a problem with giving characters traumatic pasts, I think.

I apologize for any and all mental scarring that may occur because of reading this story.

I also have a problem with making Light kind of...childish and insane(-r that he is in canon).

This is done, as far as I know. If you have any ideas for habits Light can have that would annoy or scar L, please feel free to say so!

No, the men in white coats earlier were just a false alarm. Apparently my dad has a business meeting or something today, and for reasons unclear to me, he is wearing a white suit.

.!:|= ----Hey look! It's Frosty the Snowman! In July! (In America!) Dammit! I'm trying to kick that habit!


	3. Annoyances: YGOAS

Blame Little Ryuu. She's the one who got me addicted to YGOAS. If you have no clue what the crap Light is yelling, go to youtube and search for cardgamesftw. Watch his Yu-Gi-Oh: the Abridged Series. It is awesomely funny and totally crackish while still managing to give you an idea of the plot of the series.

I swear to Odin that I have a problem. I _cannot_ make Light at all canon. he always ends up slightly childish and totally insane in a non psycho-mass-murderer/wannabee-God type way. Is that bad?

Disclaimer: I know y'all know that I don't own Death Note, but now I gotta add something new. I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh: the Abridged Series, nor do I want to because I would totally kill the awesomeness of it. That's all I got to say!

* * *

3: YGOAS

* * *

Light Yagami, L decided as he got ready to go to bed (was forced to by his suspect, who he was chained to), was completely insane.

He had gathered many pieces of evidence to support that theory over the twelve hours or so.

It had started when Light had decided that he would be the one to open the door.

* * *

"_Nyer!"_

_L stared as Light attempted to kick open a brand-new door. Somehow, Light had managed to get his leg up so that it was parallel to the floor, and was now kicking at the door._

"_Nyer!"_

_L sighed. It would probably be awhile before Light got the message that the door was _not_ going to break._

"_Nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer -nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-nyer-NYER!"_

_CLANK_

_L stared. Somehow, Light had managed to break down a brand-new door, by kicking it._

_...Kira percentage up by .12%. No normal person would be able to break down a door simply by kicking it. Especially not a door that was specifically designed for government headquarters._

"_...Light-kun is aware that the door would have opened had he pulled on the handle, is he not?"

* * *

_

Then Light had further proven L's point when Watari brought in the day's first set of cakes, and subsequently refused to allow Light any, due to the previous day's events.

* * *

"_WHAAAAAAAAT?! BROOKLYN RAGE!"

* * *

_

That had made no sense whatsoever. It was completely random, and by all accounts should have simply made Light look utterly ridiculous. Instead, somehow he managed to pull off the homicidal look very well.

+.2%

Then there was the rather frightening moment where Light had implied that he was somehow aware of L's homeland.

* * *

_Light looked over at L, who was drinking his tea like he always did._

"_Why so British?" Light asked._

_L choked on his tea and stared at Light with frightened eyes. A million thoughts were running through his head, all circling around roughly the same point._

_How did Light know where L was from?_

_But then Light burst into laughter._

"_Oh...Kami...Your...face!" Light gasped between laughs._

_Soichiro glanced over at the hysterical Light, sighed and cradled his head in his hands.

* * *

_

L had no idea what to think of that incident. He only knew that it frightened him greatly.

And then there was the incident in Misa's room. L had been annoying Misa like he always did to try and relieve some of the stress that the Kira case was causing, but this time, Light interfered.

* * *

_Light stood up and faced L. Misa, who was leaning forward, obviously getting ready to begin lecturing L about how he was a pervert, stopped mid-breath._

_Light pointed at L dramatically and shouted, "L! I challenge you....TO A CHILDREN'S CARD GAME!"_

_L stared, unsure how to respond to that. Misa paused for a moment, and then began to giggle._

_L rather thought the worst part of the situation was that Light looked completely serious._

* * *

Then there was his reaction to some new Kira killings.

* * *

"_It's magic! He must be a witch! BURN THE WITCH!"_

_For a moment there was silence, and then L turned to Light. Very slowly, afraid that any sudden movements would upset the crazy person._

"_Light-kun. Death by burning is no longer legal. When Kira is caught, he will be judged fairly, and then given a lethal injection. And there is no proof that Kira is killing via supernatural means."_

"_He must be a witch! He turned me into a newt!"_

_Disbelieving glances were shot amongst the investigative team. All of them were thinking roughly the same thing. How did this kid end up with the best grades in Japan? Maybe he just cracked from the pressure. He _was _the prime suspect for Kira after all. That had to be tough on someone. L just stared at Light._

"_If you...say so, Light-kun."

* * *

_

All in all, L's view of Light was rather quickly changing from 'potential Kira' to 'how the hell has he stayed out of the loony bin for as long as he has?' L wasn't usually one to swear, but in this case, it just seemed to fit.

* * *

I'm actually mildly disappointed in this. Do you want to know why?

I couldn't fit in the wanker's cramp! It is absolutely THE best oneliner in YGOAS, AND I COULDN'T FIT IT IN! I feel so ashamed. T.T

Oh also? FF hates me. I _wanted_ to load this Saturday morning, and look! It's Sunday evening and my first chance to load this. :grumble-mumble: Stupid FF always crashing just when you need it most!

Ja ne, minna-san!


End file.
